Introspective Thoughts On Introverts...

There's nothing more I love than reading an article that grabs me and won't let me go. This article by Susan Cain, 'Why The World Needs Introverts' had me hook, line and sinker from the word go.

All my life, I've lived with the notion that I was 'shy'. When I was four years old, I used to run into the bathroom anytime anybody came to the front door. Whereas most kids see blowing cake candles as a birthday pleasures, I saw it as unwanted attention; whenever the cake was brought near me...you guessed it, I screamed and ran out of the room.

My school reports, from the age of five to eighteen, all said the same thing: 'Jennifer is quiet, and must learn to speak up more.' When I joined secondary school, I let my friend Megan introduce me to my peers, being mortified at the idea of doing it myself.

Anyway, you get the picture. I've always been very 'annoyed' at being shy- not just the label, although, as fellow shy people can testify, being called 'shy' continuously only serves to make you more so. I wanted so badly to be like my extroverted friends: to not be struck with fear when meeting new people, or just speaking up in class. I even had schoolmates question me: 'Why are you shy?'. They might as well have asked me 'Why do you have bad teeth?' (as I did when I was fourteen- god bless braces!!). The answer is the same for both questions- 'I don't WANT to be shy/have bad teeth- I didn't ASK for it- it's just a part of who I am.'

But, like those train track braces that ruled my life, I found a way to beat my shyness as soon as I hit eighteen- god bless university. I'd been edging out of it when I was sixteen/seventeen, but being pushed into living with complete strangers was exactly what I needed. I soon realised that the way to beat shyness- note I didn't say 'cure', as I know it's never going to go- was to stop being afraid of people. To stop being afraid that I was going to say something stupid- or stop caring what other people think. This is still something I struggle with- that endless pursuit of approval. I don't mean to stop caring in a heartless way- I mean in an empowered way.

The personality growth didn't stop at university. When I went to Australia solo- something I NEVER would have done before university- I came to another realisation. It's actually OK to be shy. Rudeness is never acceptable- and shyness, sadly, can be interpreted that way. But being quiet- having introspective moments- not being the life and soul of the party- those were all OK. You were still a good part of the group, you could still have your say. Cain only reinforces this recent realisation of mine- by going one step further and saying- even putting it as her title- that the world NEEDS introverts. The suggestion that, in this extrovert-led world, being shy or ntroverted is not a hindrance, but a necessity. It's a basic law of physics: this world needs differences- it needs balancing opposites- in order to function.

Me and Meg, aged 8, in one of our more 'extroverted' moments as Spice Girls!

If you've read this far, you're probably wondering why all of this has been brought back to memory by Susan Cain's article. Well, I've been doing a typically introspective thing; I've been analysing myself according to her definitions, and realised a very terrifying, exhilirating thing. All these years, when I thought I was a shy introvert...I could have actually been a shy extrovert. The possiiblity that I could be both was something I'd never considered before- I just thought shy was shy was shy. As Susan Cain says in her article, ."...for all their differences, shyness and introversion have in common something profound. The mental state of a shy extrovert sitting quietly in a business meeting may be very different from that of a calm introvert – the shy person is afraid to speak up, while the introvert is simply overstimulated – but to the outside world, the two appear to be the same."

Now, in my role as a teacher, I'm treading this introvert/extrovert line very carefully. In order to be a good teacher, you need a little bit of both. The trouble is, you need very specific qualities of both. You need to be a good listener like an introvert, but you cannot escape speaking to large groups of people. You need to be able to command attention like an extrovert, but you have to let other people shine too. Or course, all jobs are wrought with these personality contradictions; I'm sure that I will discover more in my working life. For example, being a waitress demands an constant shining confidence (or at least some semblance of it), but also requires knowing your place within a team- and not always trying to lead it.

So, which am I? AM I a shy extrovert- uncomfortable with attention, but always wanting to be involved in everything? Or am I just an introvert- overstimulated by big group situations, and feeling more at ease when one-on-one with somebody? You know what, I think I might be a bit of both, and that ambiguity- busting that 'shy' label wide open- is the most exciting prospect of all.

REVIEW: THE MARRIAGE PLOT- Jeffrey Eugenides

I wasn't sure what I was expecting when I opened Jeffrey Eugenides' new offering- but it certainly wasn't it. To be fair, the last book I read by Eugenides was about a hermaphrodite; any subject was going to seem tame after that...

   For those who read my review of David Nicholl's Starter For Ten a little while back, Eugenides' latest novel is almost the American version- only in third person, and from three different perspectives. Madeline, a pretty Browns graduate, is at the centre of these different points of view; the other two voices belong to her maniac depressive boyfriend, Leonard, and her nomadic almost-boyfriend and passionate admirer, Mitchell.

   The best attribute of this novel may be the effortless of it all; the prose just seemed to feel so natural that I almost felt as though I was watching an unscripted scene unfold. I didn't realise how much I was pulled in until I saw that I only had 50 pages of the book to go- a sure sign of a riveting read.

   My favourite character, predictably, was Mitchell; the chapters dedicated to his travels, especially to India, made me reminisce of my own nomadic days. I also felt that he was the most likeable of the three...saying that, I did feel both sorry and frustrated by Madeline's blindness to Leonard's illness. Akthough Leonard- an interesting, complex creation- gave me an insight into the twists and turns of manic depression, it was Mitchell who I truly liked and rooted for.

Do not expect an obvious, huge plot from this novel- that is not it's purpose. The way that these graduates' lives intertwin subtly brings about a 'marriage plot' that you will not be able to resist, and inevitably get sucked into. This novel goes further than bringing you a huge storyline. It makes you feel like an active spectator to events...as though you are a character, a Browns graduate, yourself. What novels have you read recently that give you that kind of power?

Lovo and Kava with the Martz's.....

When you're away from home, it's always really lovely to see some friendly, familiar faces once in a while. Here's a snapshot of a chilled and fun-filled weekend in the Coral Coast with the Martz's. Thanks Colleen for sending me some fantastic pics...I've got to get myself a better quality camera!...

View from inside the villa.

View of the beach from the villa.

What a handsome devil.

View of our villa from the beach. (The picture captions will get more interesting, I promise!)

The beach just outside our villa.

Natalie and one of our new Fijian friends make baskets for the meat in the underground 'lovo' oven. It's crazy how quickly a basket can be created from some leaves!

Patrick and I have eaten a 'lovo' feast before, but this was the first time we'd seen how it was made. First, coal was ignited and left until just glowing. Then the leaf-wrapped meats were put on top, more banana leaves on top of that, then the whole kit and kaboodle was buried under the ground and left for a few hours. After those hours are up, out comes some yummy grub!

Colleen, Natalie, me and Patrick enjoying the lovo feast.

Patrick gulping down a kava bowl...half tide.

I take bongo-playing very seriously, apparently. That shell necklace was given to everybody on arrival at the villa.

A bloody great bonfire on the beach; we had to sit quite a way back!

There I am again with my bongos- and a French braid, courtesy of Natalie. Nice to get out of my hairstyle rut for one night!

Dean, our new Fijian friend, passes over the first kava bowl.

The kava making process...pouring water into a bag full of kava powder, then squeezing it into the wooden kava bowl. Bit better than Patrick and I's attempt last year!

REVIEW: THE HUNGER GAMES TRILOGY- Suzanne Collins

The three books in The Hunger Games Series: 1. The Hunger Games
                                                                                 2. Catching Fire
                                                                                 3. Mockingjay

I knew I loved dystopian novels, but I still wasn't sure how much I would love the latest teen craze, The Hunger Games. Would I become hopelessly addicted like I did to Harry Potter, or annoyed by its popularity like Twilight (sorry Twilight fans- vampires have never been my thing)? Well, I'm pleased to say that the odds were definitely in THG's favour...

The story takes place in Panem, a future version of North America that is comprised of twelve Districts, and the Capitol. Long ago, the Districts staged an uprising against the Capitol, demanding more power for the people. As a punishment for this reckless behaviour, the all-powerful Capitol created an annual event called 'The Hunger Games', where one boy and one girl from each of the twelve districts would be required to fight in an arena- until only one survives.


A pretty scary scenario, I think you'll agree, and brilliantly told by our feisty protagonist and narrator, sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen- a major player in the Games and subsequent events. There will be two questions you ask yourself as you read these books- 'Katniss, or Peeta?' and 'Peeta, or Gale?'. For the record, I'm very undecided about both, although maybe leaning towards Peeta for the second question. I've always been a sucker for unconditional love and kindness.

Wondering what on earth I'm talking about? Then pick up the first in the trilogy, and allow yourself to be transported to a future world of frugality and brutality, action and passion. Follow Katniss in her life-changing journey, and admire her; ask yourself what you would do in her unfortunate shoes, and respect her. Remind yourself that hardship brings a determination that cannot be reckoned with, and that evil can be stopped with patience and bravery. Most of all, we should take heed of  Collins' warning, so that the odds are ever in our world's favour...

REVIEW: WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN- Lionel Shriver

Unlike other books I've read recently, I picked this book to read knowing full well what it was about. That still didn't prepare me for how this novel would effect me...

Each of the novel's chapters is written in letter form, as Eva Khatchadourian corresponds with her estranged husband, Franklin, about their son, Kevin. But why do the parents 'need to talk about Kevin'? Two years previously, Kevin killed nine of his fellow high school classmates- and Eva is trying to figure out why, and just how much is her fault.


The beauty of this novel lies in the language; by making Eva a travel writer, Shriver gives the character the opportunity for clear, descriptive expression. Her desperation and stubborness, with the undercurrent of an inner strength that is quickly depreciating, is all conveyed through her fantastically written flashbacks. Her frustration with Franklin's blindness to Kevin's ruthless behaviour would get tiresome after a while, were it not overulled by a fierce loyalty and love. 


I truly got the impression that Eva knew her son better than anybody else- even if this did not make her life any easier. There were some aspects of her character that I could relate to, and some I was not so sure about; however, throughout the novel I steadily gained a respect for her, and found myself constantly thinking 'well, what would I do in that situation?'.


When I've heard about previous high school shootings in the media, I've always judged the evil without thinking what the root of it could be. We Need To Talk About Kevin does not necessarily provide a clear cut root; what the novel does is highlight the inevitable human need to FIND a reason in evil. How much of who we are is defined by our family, and how much is innate? Is it hopeless to try and change a bad character? Should it be treated with bitterness or kindness? Join Eva as she tries to make sense of all these questions- and watch out for a twist that will paint everything in an even more desperate light.

So, It's Been A While...

...but I promise I have a good excuse this time. I somehow managed to contract pneumonia...the last thing I expected in a tropical climate! This led to my first ever hospital admittance, and an insight into two Fijian hospitals. I ended up in three different hospital beds over the 6 days- Suva Private for one night, a six bed public ward for two nights, and a private room for three nights. Don't feel too bad for me; I had my own bathroom, TV, microwave AND fridge in the latter room!  Yes, all of that actually did make me very excited- and soon helped me to forget that the room had been fumigated of bed-bugs just a few days before. Those little rascals...they pop up everywhere, eh? I even managed to make 3 friends in the six-bed ward- two mother-like figures who told me to wrap up warm and asked where I was going whenever I stood up, and a girl around my age who was a fellow primary school teacher. All the nurses were lovely, if convinced that I was here on holiday or at university...they all seemed surprised that I was a teacher! Although let's face it, I'm a little surprised of that fact sometime myself!...

So, hospital life wasn't all that bad. Lots of visitors from school- and Patrick- helped to cheer me up, as did the treat of having my yearly McDonald's quota- two meals- in one week. (This is sober, of course- Mcdonald's after a night out doesn't count...). This was no cheap treat either- $23 FJD for one Big Mac meal and chicken nuggets?? Scandalous! Oh dear...the dicusssion of Mcdonald's prices is my cue to sign off, I think. Hospital talk isn't interesting, but Mcdonald's talk is even less so.

I'll leave you with the promise of a fair few book reviews; another positive of being in hospital is the opportunity to read, read, read!! So far, have finished Lionel Shriver's We Need To Talk About Kevin- a book that I'm both glad and not so glad that I've finally read- and have got sucked in Suzanne Collins' The Hunger Games trilogy. I'm embracing my inner teenager...and loving it! I'll also be writing about our fun weekend with the Martz's on the Coral Coast, eating lovo and drinking kava! Speak soon xxxx

REVIEW: 1Q84 (BOOKS 1, 2 & 3)- Haruki Murakami

Ah, Murakami...the master of making the abnormal seem normal; the impossible, possible. i was desperate to read this book (or should I say these books) from the moment they came out in the bookshops. One of my favourite authors adapting Orwell's '1984'- one of my favourite books of all time- in his superbly surreal manner? Sounded like a match made in heaven.

The story begins in Tokyo, 1984, and revolves around the lives of two characters: Aomame, a fitness instructor with rather sinister extra-curricular activities, and Tengo, a maths teacher-come-wannabe writer who gets embroiled in a ghost-writing scandal. The lives of these two people seem to have followed very different directions since they held hands at elementary school- yet both still feel deeply affected by this event twenty years later.  After they are pulled into the new world of '1Q84' through different paths, both Aomame and Tengo deeply anger a dangerous cult called Sagiake; suddenly, the need for the two to find each other and escape back to 1984 is more desperate than it has ever been...

There are a few Orwellian references throughout the novel...the Little People are a play-on '1984's' Big Brother; Aomame checking the newspapers in Book One's opening scene, just like Winston's Smith does in the first part of 1984...the comparisons are endless, and fun to look out for. Despite all that, 1Q84 is definitely a story in its own right.

Conveying complete 'loneliness' in an interesting way can be a difficult task; after all, we learn much about key characters from how others react to them. However, this is an area where Murakami shines: both Aomame and Tengo are intensely lonely people, partly as a result of their childhoods. Though these two protagonists were vividly described, my personal favourites were the suspiciously aloof Fuka-Eri, and 'Bobblehead' Ushikawa...bit-parts with a big part to play in proceedings.

If I had to make one tiny criticism, it would be that Book Three should have been a little shorter. I understand the build-up needed before Aomame and Tengo's meeting, but I found myself getting a little frustrated with the slow pace. Of course, this is testament to how involved I was with the characters at the time, that I was so desperate for them to meet and escape- but I still stand that letting them meet a little sooner would have made for a punchier end, like in '1984'.

The latter is just a very minor criticism though- and it's only because I love Murakami so. When reading this novel, don't concern yourself too deeply with what is real and what is not...just follow the journeys of the characters, and you will soon reach your own conclusion.

An interesting fact to end on...'Q' and '9' are Japanese 'homophones' (kyū)...a clever way of Murakami showing us, just like Orwell did by setting his novel in the not-so-distant future, that the two worlds of '1984' and '1Q84' are not so far apart. Watch out for the author's ingenious manipulation of the novel's order of events, especially in Book Three; don't assume that time is always in a straight line...